


Falling is Like This

by uswnt_talex_krashlyn



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-25
Updated: 2017-01-28
Packaged: 2018-08-10 22:21:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,039
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7863424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uswnt_talex_krashlyn/pseuds/uswnt_talex_krashlyn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Tobin and Alex end up together. And how falling can save you</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gravity

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kinda sad so I guess this happened lol

Falling is like this

It's never all at once. The thing I noticed about falling is you don't really want it to stop until it's too late. 

And even then I've realized the fight is pointless. It's like trying to fight gravity in a world where love is falling instead of flying. 

But loving her. 

And falling for her.

It's something I wouldn't take back for the world. Gravity and all. 

This is my story. And it's one filled with falling and crashing. But it's also filled with Alexandra Morgan. And I don't know about you, but that's enough flying to last me a lifetime.   
•————————————————•

It started quite slow. Not the way a great romance would built, but the way a friendship would. 

"Hi I'm Alex"

This young forward had walked up to you just before practice. One of several new players at this camp. 

"Hi I'm Tobin"

And that was just the way it started. There was no stuttering or jaw dropping or fireworks. She was just Alex. And you were just Tobin. 

She really wasn't that young. You were only a few years older. So the two of you would hang out. One day she even took the seat next to you on the bus. 

The conversation was always friendly. Sharing earbuds and making fun of Kelley when she would endlessly watch scandal on her phone. 

Sometimes she would fall asleep on your shoulder. And just once you allowed your mind to wander. To what it would be like for her to press a kiss into your neck, or to wake up next to her in the morning. But it was fleeting and you knew she didn't like you that way. 

And then everything just sort of shifted on week. She came into camp but she was different. And it was subtle. Subtle enough that the others couldn't see it. But her eyes didn't sparkle when she smiled. And her stare was often not focused. 

She told you that night that she had met someone. Servando is what she called him. And she told you how good he was. And how he always said the sweetest things and went the extra mile for her. And about halfway through this interesting conversation you begin to wonder if she's bragging or if she's convincing herself. 

 

And the answer to your question comes about 2 months later at another camp. 

And God you wish he could have been everything she needed. 

Of course you and Alex are roomed together. Jill obviously hoped your chemistry on the field with Alex would only continue to grow with time. 

And you don't miss the way she only changes in the bathroom now. Or the not so subtle way she won't get in an ice bath. 

And God this part hurt. It still hurts. 

You asked her what was going on. 

And the way she looked at you... Her eyes used to be so bright, so young. She was fading. The blue was turning grey and her nose never crinkled in laughter anymore. 

Tears welled in her eyes. And in just seconds she was collapsing into your arms. You held her up. You closed the door to your room. And you held her. You moved her to the bed and just laid there. She curled into your body as hers shook with pain. 

"Lex please tell me what's going on"

She looks up at you. Her breathing slows down. You have one arm under her head and one around her waist. 

"I'm okay Tobin. I really am....okay? They're just bruises."


	2. Windows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A promise to a friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's really short. This week is crazy w two a days

Falling is like this

It's like letting someone in. 

It was never hard for me to let someone in. Someone who would take a wrecking ball to the walls I had built up. That part was easy. 

But it was harder for her, I always knew that. 

Alex and I were never perfect. Anyone could tell you that. Her walls were thick and they were made of steel. And our story wasn't one of knocking over walls and starting new. It was one of slowely healing the bruises and cutting out holes for Windows. 

And it was hard, to cut into the steel.

But the Windows let in sunshine

And I just wanted her to feel what it was like to live in the light  
•————————————————•  
You frown down at her. God she was beautiful. Even like this. Even with streaks down her cheeks and her hair all over the place. 

You scolded yourself. She's just you friend. 

"Alex what are you talking about.."

She slowely moves your arm off of her hip and backs up a few inches. 

 

She slides up her shirt and at first your not sure what she's doing. But soon the tanned skin turns darker. And a large dark blue and black patch is clear on her ribcage. 

"Oh Alex.."

You wrap her back in your arms. Gently but firmly. And then something new starts to form. 

And you couldn't control it. It was anger. 

 

Your fists clench at the thought of him hitting her. And then a new thought plagues your mind. You knew he wasn't good for her. 

And you let him hit her. 

Alex looks up at you as your body tenses

She puts a hand on your cheek and looks into your eyes. 

"Don't do that Toby. It's not his fault okay, he was drunk a-and... He's good okay? I promise he's a good man"

"Alex he hurt you."

She starts to look slightly defensive. And God this isn't what you wanted. You want her to feel safe in your arms. Not accused. 

"Lex.. Does anyone else know?"

"No"

She's quite for a moment. Her eyes won't meet yours anymore. Like she's ashamed of being weak. And it astounds you how well you can read her now. 

You allow your hand to pull up her shirt on the side and reveal more of the bruise. It's ugly and black. Like its her secret. This beautiful girl in front of you. 

Tears start to form in your eyes as you pull up her shirt more until the bruise becomes hidden under her sports bra. 

"Alex.."

You can't make anymore words come out. There's this new anger. Your mad at yourself

 

And you swear she can read your mind because she raises your head so that your eyes are staring into hers. And God they're only a few inches away. And it takes everything in you not to kiss her, to do anything you can to make her feel better, to show her the sunlight. 

She wipes a few tears from your cheeks. 

"Please don't cry Toby. He's getting better. He stopped drinking"

She presses a gentle kiss on your cheek. And your having trouble telling if she's distracting you or she was just being Alex. 

But you hold her close again and you fall asleep like that. With your hand gently rubbing over her ribcage and her legs tangled in yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's short. Hope u guys like it. I don't have a lot of patience for writing dialogue and stuff so sorry if it sounds rushed


	3. Inevitable

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Infuriating.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's another short one. Tryna get back in the groove of writing

Falling is like this. 

It's infuriating. Falling is this unconditional portion of life, a never ending vicious cycle that is predestined for each of us. 

We fall and crash, fall and crash, but there's never really anything we can do to stop it. Sometimes we get bruised by the collision, and sometimes we forget what it's like to have this completely infuriating and delusional HOPE. 

But then time heals our wounds. And sunlight slowly creeps into our windows. And we begin to forget again.

And then we remember. 

But it's always too late. We are always too far gone by the time we realize that history is repeating it's self and that falling for someone, falling for HER, will destroy what's left of us. 

And this level of demolition, this complete austere wreck that we become is not without its scars. 

We bare the scars, they remind us of what happened. Of what COULD happen again. I've decided that they're not there to scare us. Just there to remind us to learn. 

But possibly most infuriating about falling, or maybe it's just her, is that she makes it so easy to forget. 

Because as infuriating as she can be, she's always been the only thing I see.   
•———————————————————•  
Your not sure what time it is. But honestly everything seems extremely secondary to the girl wrapped around your torso. 

Her breathing is soft and her nose is pressing against your neck and her legs are tangled in yours, and maybe, just maybe, you forget for a second that your not supposed to be thinking about her lips. 

You try to remember the last time you felt this content. 

But before you can get that far there's a soft knock on the door. And before you can even register who could possibly be knocking on your hotel door at - well your not really sure what time it is- the door handle turns and opens. 

Lauren's head appears and you are reminded of the events the previous night when you had given her your spare room key so she could get her phone charger back. 

You curse at yourself for forgetting. And you suddenly become very aware of just where Alex's hands are on you. One on your hip and the other on the nape of your neck. 

Alex's still sleeping figure burrows deeper into your neck at the sudden noises. 

Lauren silently unplugs her charger from the wall, leaving your phone behind on the other UNOCCUPIED bed. But before she slips out she mouths silently   
"We need to talk"

The look in her eyes is one you've seen before. And the infuriating urge to remember all of it, scars included, is an itch you'd rather not scratch. So you push the past into the back of your mind and quickly avert your eyes to anywhere other than Lauren's knowing eyes. 

But you nod your head yes and just as quickly as she came, she left. 

 

As the door closes it makes another bang. This one apparently loud enough to wake up Alex a little more. 

Your pulse quickens and you suddenly find yourself a little to nervous about your current position. Alex's hot breathe hits your neck at a slightly faster pace than before and you can feel her muscles slowly start to wake up. 

After a few minutes she mumbles something incoherent into your neck. 

And if your being honest it was probably very audible. But the feeling of Alex's breathe skimming your skin and her lips moving was enough to stop your brain from properly functioning. 

".. sorry what lex ?"

" your really comfy"

You smirk a little at her comment. 

Her hand moves from your neck, but much to your surprise it doesn't leave your skin. Instead it lands on your ribs. And not just your side, but your actual skin. Alex slides her hand under your shirt and just below your sports bra. 

Your breathing hitches. And you know she heard it. For fucks sake you heard it yourself. 

But her hand doesn't move. And her legs don't untangle. She lifts her head and her piercing blue eyes stare straight into yours. And time stops. And you can just feel yourself falling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok. So I'm having some personal stuff rn so my priorities lately have been different. But I hope u like the chapter. Sorry if ur into my other fics I just don't have the energy rn. Writing as I go. Love all the comments!!


	4. Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired : Skin by Zola Jesus

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope u guys like it

Falling is like this. 

It's like hurtling towards doom at an exponential speed only to pray that the other person is falling just as fast. 

And if you really think about it, which trust me I have been, aren't we really just asking for disaster. 

 

Because in the end don't we always end up with either two broken hearts or just one that cushioned the other's fall?

•—------------------------------•

Fucked. 

Fucked is a really fun word that you think PERFECTLY describes the way you're feeling. 

And maybe under different circumstances you would feel lucky. Maybe even go as far as to say ecstatic, that a beautiful girl- take that back- a drop dead gorgeous woman, is wrapped around your torso. Her bright blue eyes staring straight up at you, and filled with something extremely dangerous. 

But accompanied by this look of desire and lust is a hand on your upper rib cage. And that has got you thinking of all the places your hand could be on her. 

But then her hand moves. And it's not in the direction that you expected. 

If your being honest the other way would have been easier. 

But no. Her hand slides up your rib cage and her finger tips meet the soft sports bra material that you put on last night. And as her hand moves your black US soccer shirt moves with it until half your stomach is visible. 

And then her eyes finally leave yours, much to your relief. But you can't help it as you swallow thickly following the trail of her eyes down to your abs. 

Her other hand that was at the base of your neck slowly drifts upward until she's caressing your jaw. And almost as if she wants you to make a move, she shifts her left leg so that she's straddling you. 

 

Then her left hand leaves your ribs and makes its way up to the other side of your jaw line. 

Your completely frozen. 

Somewhere in the back of your head a small voice nags at you. That this is wrong. That this wasn't the way the first time was supposed to be. 

But the voice is quickly diluted as Alex's hands pull your head up until your resting on your elbows and she's centimeters apart. 

And god you couldn't tear your eyes away if you tried. 

Her hands pull you impossibly closer without touching. And then, finally, just as frankly as she'd done everything else, she brushes her lips over yours. 

Goosebumps stand on your arms and down your legs. A breathe leaves your lungs that your pretty sure was completely fake. All the oxygen in the room had left minutes ago. 

And just as you start to recover she does it again. And again. And then finally you prop yourself on just one arm and anchor her. Your hand finds her neck buried in a tangle of hair and you hold her closer. And you press her gently into you. As if she could shatter. 

She props one arm next to your face and unfolds her legs so she has one in between your two. Her eyes never leave yours. 

You slowly lower yourself down from your one elbow and she hovers over you. 

 

And if your being honest you want this. You want it so bad that maybe, just maybe, it's blinding you. 

But her lips press into yours again. And it's all very slow. Very calculated. And it only works to reassure you of her motive.

It shouldn't surprise you, but it does, how her lips are so soft, and fit so perfectly with yours. 

She moves her hand supporting her so that she's directly on top of you. And you can feel all of her. And you know in this moment she's something you could get used to. 

Her tongue pokes out of her lips and drags along yours. And it almost makes you jump, the way she can affect you so effortlessly. 

Your breathe catches in your throat and you open your mouth only to be met with more of Alex. 

Her tongue expertly massages yours and a small moan escapes your lips. Your hands grasp frantically for anything to hold onto. More of HER. Because you no longer want it. You need it. 

 

Her shirt is the first to go. And it's not dark. For gods sake your still not sure what time it is. But the bruise occupying her left rib cage is enough to slow your desire. 

You pause. Only for a minute. 

Then you meet her eyes, and for the first time since- well whatever this is- started, she looks uncertain. Weary. 

So you reach up and kiss her. Slowest and deeply. And you wrap one arm around her not bruised side and slowly roll the two of you over. 

You kiss her again. And again. And you know this is a not a middle school make out session, hell she knows it too, but she humors you. Everything is slow. Methodical. 

Your kisses become slower until finally you shift your hips a little and distance your face from hers. 

As your hips buck down onto hers she squeezes her eyes shut. And it's exactly what you wanted. So you do it again and this time she breathes in quickly.  
So you kiss her. 

And you kiss her everywhere

You spend your time on her chest, until her bra gets in the way. 

And when she has finally had enough she lifts your shirt over your head, her eyes never leaving yours. 

There's something startling about the entire thing. 

And you normally would've dwelled on it, for maybe a minute longer, but Alex pushes your hair over to your right shoulder and starts to kiss your neck. 

And you can feel your hips grind into hers involuntarily. And you can hear her moans vibrate into your neck. And you almost think you hear a faint footsteps in the hall. But it's all moving in slow motion. As this beautiful girl underneath you breaks from your neck, panting and sweaty, eyes the size of the moon, stare straight into yours. 

And in that moment you know your fucked. 

 

But all you can do is fall faster.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing as I go. So lmk where u guys see this going long term. Love all coments


	5. Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The difference between want and need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back bitches

Falling is like this. 

It's like wanting her, and wanting her so badly, that every inch of my body aches at the sight of her. Or even the sound of her name. 

And it's fine, do-able even. 

Until the wanting becomes needing. 

A consistent, nagging, distinguishable itch. One that I'm not sure I can control anymore. It was always easier when it was just a fantasy. Just some lust filled figment of my imagination. 

Her breath. Her skin. In my mind it was perfect. 

In person it was far more difficult to define. 

 

•—————•

Your not really positive how long you've been like this, with Alex underneath you. 

Heavy breathed moans filling the air. Hips moving in unison as sweat beads up on both of your skin. 

Your tongue on her neck and her eyes clenched shut. Your assault on her neck doesn't stop. Even after your name becomes a consistent whisper on her lips. A plea. A player. A-

"Tobin"

It's labored and needy. 

And if your honest it turned you on like nothing you've ever experienced. Your hips grind down into hers. Thin layers of soccer shorts you had both fallen asleep in separating exactly what you body needed to not be separated from. Alex's raspy voice only spurs you on further. Adds to your desire, and your need. 

"Please.."

She wants this. 

 

But you don't. 

 

Your head is spinning as you slowly stop your hips. And it's as painful as it is destructive. 

Alex whimpers under the loss of contact, her eye brows move together in confusion. But her eyes don't open. She still has her hands gripping the sheets when you lift your weight off of her and roll over. 

Panting and wiping the sweat from your forehead you stare up at the ceiling. 

"Fuck"

You mumble it under your breath. But of course Alex hears it. Her eyes slowly open and you register her body going rigid next to you. 

Her eyes move around frantically until landing on your face milliseconds later. 

But you can't look. You can't let them down. These eyes that know you, these eyes that control your actions, the very ones that could break you. 

She moves onto her side. She faces you now. Only wearing a sports bra and a pair of your shorts. 

Each of you still breathing heavily. Chests rising up and down, no longer in tandem. 

 

She stares into your eyes. But you don't look back into them. You know the contact would destroy you. 

Then she takes her hand and places it on your stomach, furthest from her. She pulls you closer until her eyes are staring directly down at yours and you have no choice but to give in. 

Surrender to what had become your home. 

Her eyes are warm and inviting. Slowly coming down from the dark blue they previously were. You get that feeling in your lower abdomen. The one that, recently, could only be caused by her. 

But they are on a mission. The eyes are searching for something. 

A hint of regret, remorse. 

She'll find none, of course. 

But she does see the guilt before you can properly hide it. And of course she can read you like a book. This woman who has become your best friend, your partner in crime. 

And then her demeanor shifts. And it's slight. But it's obvious in the way her hand trails up to your neck and her mouth moves to your ear. 

"Toby, try not to think so much ok. He won't find out"

And with that the raspy voice ends and you feel teeth on your earlobe as a shot of pleasure is send down your neck. 

She starts kissing down your neck. 

Then your chest. Your sports bra is next. 

She makes quick work of it. Her mouth leaving yours for only a second to remove it. 

And then the only thing you know, the only thing you think you ever want to know ever again, is the feeling of Alex's tongue on your breasts. 

She sucks softly at first. Then a little harder. And then when she doesn't get the response she was looking for she gently bites down on your hardened nipple and you hear yourself gasp in pleasure. 

When she's happy with her work on your chest she moves down to your rapidly rising and falling abdomen. She kisses down slowly. 

Too slowly. 

Slow enough that the fog clouding your mind clears, for just a second. 

And god you wish it wasn't enough. But it is. 

"Alex-"

You take a heavy breath in between words. The fact that your about to hurt her hurts you. 

"- please don't"

She freezes. And looks up at you. A small amount of mirth written in her mouth. Her one eyebrow raised ever so slightly. 

"What.."

You can't look into her eyes anymore. 

"Stop."

And at that her body raises off of yours and rapidly her hands fly around the discarded clothing. Searching for hers. 

"Alex. Hey... Lex! Wait."

She looks up from the ground. And if she wasn't your best friend you wouldn't have know that she was about to cry. 

You sit up. 

Well aware of your bare chest. 

"Alex I can't do this with you."

She nods her head slowly. But there's obvious confusion behind the front she's putting on. 

So you stand. Cautiously at first. And then you see a single tear. And that's all it takes. 

Your hugging her tight. Bare chest against her sports bra. She shakes a little in your arms. And you kiss her head. 

A small amount of anger builds in you. Only at yourself of course. 

You let it get this far. 

 

"Alex.. I can't do this to myself. It's not you okay?"

She pulls back from your shoulder. She quickly wipes the tears from her eyes. She meets your eyes and it's clear now she really doesn't understand. 

"You don't want to... with me?"

Her eyes are vulnerable. And they completely demolish you. 

"OF COUR- of course I do"

You didn't realize your voice was getting loud. And you watch as she flinches ever so slightly at the noise. 

You place your hands on her hips and rest your forehead against her shoulder. 

"Alex I can't be no strings attached."

A small wave of understanding washes over her, but it's not enough. 

"Tobin I'm not saying this is going to happen again"

Dread washes over you at the thought of a "friends with benefits" situation with this woman. This person who has become your everything. 

"Your not listening to me."

And her confusion only adds to your dread, of what inevitably is about to happen. 

"A-Alex... I can't with you b-because.-

You swallow hard. She seems to become nervous under your nervousness. 

-because I have feeling for you"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If u want an explanation as to whether or not I died - then basically just know my life got super fucked and basically someone outed my sexuality to my parents and they took my phone.


End file.
